"The Woman in White" by Wilkie Collins, and an Introduction

Let's start with the introductions: meet Atticus and Rhett, our new identical twins. Though they don't look particularly identical to me, but...whatever. They don't really cry, they sleep pretty much all the time. They are pretty cool cats. There isn't really anything else noteworthy to say. You know. They're babies. Doing baby-tastic things. 

Sooo the book! Please forgive me if my thoughts on The Woman in White are a bit jumbled. I failed to finish it before my c-section, and just picked it back up a few days ago once we had settled down a bit at home. It's a little hard to think about it without bringing up a well of emotive memories centered around a big life change. My brain kinda goes "Oh, THAT book. That's the book you were reading when you GAVE BIRTH OH MY LORDY ISN'T THAT FREAKIN' WEIRD?!" And yes. It is freakin' weird. 

With that said, I will tell you that I thoroughly enjoyed the book. It's a campy gothic mystery, a combination of the best and most sensational of Victorian literature and Agatha Christie's most sordid murders. There's love, betrayal, a mad house, mistaken identities, Central American escapes from death, spies, fat Italian counts- everything you could possibly want! And despite its length, the book is a breezy, quick read. It's kind of like cheating- it's a classic and it's long and Victorian, but pretty thoughtless. Also, the author's name is Wilkie. WILKIE. Tee hee hee. 

I'm not going to go into plot description because it's a pretty twisted and complicated deal. Suffice it to say, a drawing master falls in love with an engaged girl and them some sh*t goes down. The engaged girl is fairly annoying in a perfect-Victorian-woman-written-by-a-man sort of way. She cries a great deal and is as innocent and pure as...well. Bleh, she's boring. But her SISTER is super-awesome. She's a strong, witty character with a great sense of humor and a feisty temper. So read it when you're brain is burned out from your more high-brow endeavors.

Four stars out of your mom.

Up-Diddle

So the last two books I read weren't classics, so I didn't review them here- but in case you're wondering, American Gods was meh and Cold Mountain was AH-MAY-ZINGLE.

I've just started The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins. Well, I started it two days ago and then yesterday I found out that my doctor wants me to deliver these twins on Monday. So now I'm frantically trying to finish it ASAP so I don't have to haul a 800 page tome into the hospital with me. You know. PRIORITIES. I'm loving it so far. I'm 200 pages in and I'm all I KNOW THE MYSTERY so how are there so many pages left? Obviously, there is more mystery and I am down with that. It's similar to when I read Jane Eyre for the first time and got to the wedding and thought, this must be a long wedding because there is SO MUCH MORE BOOK. And I was le wrong.

So my last weekend as a free person will be spent with my nose buried in this book whilst my husband sterilizes bottles or whatever it is you're supposed to do before you bring home newborns. IT'S LIKE A RACE! My other option is to hang a sign on the door of my labor and delivery recovery room that says something like: No Visitors, I'm Reading and All Newborns Look Like Winston Churchill Anyway so Move Along.

Oh, and just for funnies: name your kids after literary characters. Then when strangers ask you if you've picked names and you tell them, you immediately know if they're ignorant and don't read (you get Odd Looks) or if they are kindred spirits (OH THOSE NAMES ARE AWESOME). It's an easy way to find out who is on the Dark Side and who is with the Rebel Alliance, as it were.

Ok, folks. Hopefully I will have a Wilkie review for you soon!

The Epic Re-Read of "Anna Karenina" by Leo Tolstoy

Anna Karenina has long held a place in my top ten favorite books of all time, but I haven't read it since high school. I realize this was about 8 years ago, and that I needed a refresher if I was going to go on claiming such undying adoration for the thing. So, I began The Epic Re-Read...and finished in just a few days. It's as engrossing, sweeping, and infuriating as I remembered.

Ok, let's address the things most people talk about when you bring up the AK: yes, it's long. Yes, Anna is annoying. And yes, Russian names can be confusing. Get over it, m'kay? Thanks. Moving on.

Actually, let's talk about Anna...since her name is in the title and whatnot. I read my copy from high school, and it was LITTERED with notes in the margin, most next to Anna's interior monologues, which all read something like "please stop talking" or "I wish he WOULD leave you" or "OH MY LORD DIE ALREADY." I have to admit, I don't really find her anymore sympathetic this time around. For those of you who haven't read it (spoilers) Anna Karenina falls in love with Vronsky, leaves her husband and son, becomes wildly unhappy even though she has everything she wanted, and throws herself under a train. At the beginning of the novel, she isn't nearly as irritating. My husband, who recently read AK at my request, said he found her vivacious and kind. Then she steals a teenaged girl's boyfriend, and it's all downhill from there.

I seriously thought long and hard about why Anna grated my nerves so much. It's not because she's an adulteress- half the characters in the book cheat on their spouses or sleep around before they're married and you love them (Oblonsky, anyone? I wanna chill with this guy). It's because she just WHINES. INCESSANTLY. ABOUT EVERYTHING. She whines that her husband is too mean, then that he's too nice. She whines that she's bored in the country, then she's bored in the city. Then she whines because she thinks Vronksy is losing interest, then she whines about her kids, then she whines about how much she's whining. She whines about her position in society- which, as unfair as it is that Vronsky can go out and she can't, she KNEW was going to be the case. Because she whined about it when her husband offered her a divorce. By the time she throws herself under that train, you feel sorry for anyone who has to listen to her talk- even Vronsky, who isn't exactly Mr. Sympathetic himself.

Luckily, Anna Karenina is only partly about Anna Karenina, despite that whole she's-the-title-thing. And, as bracing as her character becomes, watching her completely lose it is sort of...pardon the pun here...like watching a train wreck. It's gross, it's hard, but DAMN. Look at that lady crack up.

As a foil to AK and Vronsky's weird relationship, there's Levin and Kitty. Levin, who is a semi-autobiographical sketch of Tolstoy himself, is one of my favorite literary characters of all time. He's so earnest in his philosophical and religious contemplations, and so awkward in society, and just tries so darned hard that I can't help but love him. And through Levin, Tolstoy walks us through his thoughts on some of the questions that have plagued humanity since the beginning of time- you know, those whole "why are we here and what does it all mean" stuff. But Levin/Tolstoy never makes the philosophical parts of the book hokey or eye-rolley. These are questions that are actually important to Tolstoy, and he makes them important to you.

Also, this book is EPIC in scope. You visit Russia's most major cities, examine country life, Russian government and civil service, the military, war, family, Orthodox weddings, child-bearing, agriculture, etc. There is scathing criticism of Russian high society, thoughts on the peasantry, and even a few bits about women's rights to education. Tolstoy doesn't shy from anything.

Five stars out of your mom.