Sad Bastards: Franz Kafka

It's not just silly exaggeration to call Franz Kafka a sad bastard: he was clinically depressed and didn't like people. And if you've read his work, I'm sure you're just SHOCKED. Maybe there's a reason he is considered one of the great masters of twentieth century literature, but we don't read him in high school. There would be rioting and gnashing of teeth. Kafka is one of those more obscure DWGs that everyone knows was a genius and changed the course of literature and blah blah blah, but here are a few concrete facts to have under your belt of truth:

1. All his sisters died in concentration camps, including the one that nursed him through tuberculosis. Kafka's Judaism may or may not be the driving force behind most of his works, depending on which self-important literary critic you ask. Some people believe he wrote for an areligious standpoint, while others (Bloom included) believe his writing is nothing if not the pinnacle of Jewish thought. Some say The Trial is all about the guiltless guilt felt by the Jewish people. Kafka never mentioned it- he was too busy crying most of the time. But not over his sisters, he was already dead by then.

2. He was a big fan of Flaubert, and it shows. Kafka took Flaubert's realism and made it a little absurd. Some consider him an original existentialist, which is, of course, synonymous with really freakin' depressing and weird.

3. The translation is paramount when reading him. He was a fan of using ambiguous words with double meanings that don't translate well into English. He also wrote page long sentences in German, ending with the verb in order to place the full force of the words at the end of the thought. This is a purely German construct. Translators have to recreate the same effect in English, and it can come off convoluted.

4. Like many DWGs, Kafka was unappreciated in his time. He was not read often, and not successful literarily. He never actually finished a novel during his lifetime, and asked a friend to burn all his papers upon his death. His friend was a cheeky little monkey, and did the exact opposite of burning them- he published them for all the world to see. Take THAT, dying wishes!

5. He died of starvation. No, really. Crazy kid. His tuberculosis worsened, making his throat hurt so much that he couldn't eat. He died in 1924, unmarried and probably unhappy because no happy person would write The Metamorphoses.

You're Welcome

As a happy Sunday present, I thought we should enjoy a snippet of Ian McKellan's performance in Macbeth. It's all sarcasm, simmering rage and very odd sexiness. I'm of the opinion that people (especially high school students) should see Shakespeare's plays before they read them, and I think this just proves that point. You just don't get this tension from a dry reading. Go, Gandalf, go!

Reading "The Trial" by Franz Kafka

I've started The Trial and MAN is it boring. Maybe it's being lost in translation, but that's why it's taking me so long to post. I haven't disappeared, I just can't NOT finish a book by a DWG. So far, it's kinda reminding me of Camus, but not as fun. More frustration coming, I'm sure.

Review: "Silas Marner" by George Eliot

Ok, Middlemarch is a frickin' masterpiece work of art genius. But Silas Marner is...not. The amazing thing about George Eliot is her ability to be a moralist without preaching, but this is pretty preachy. The characters feel sketched, like caricatures of themselves. I was really surprised by that because the characters in Middlemarch are so multi-dimensional and thorough.

In Silas Marner, each character gets exactly what is coming to them, and that is so INFURIATING. Life isn't like that, and morality sketches should reflect that. Not to beat a dead horse, but Middlemarch totally avoids that. I expected more from Eliot than sticky-sweet girls with golden curls and Misers with a Heart of Gold. I went on Goodreads, and I'm apparently alone in this opinion, but if you want to read George Eliot- don't read this one after reading her masterpiece. It's almost like Silas Marner was an afterthought.

Two stars out of your mom.

#ff- How to Use Bookmooch

Considering this isn't Twitter, I can't very well call this follow Friday. Or maybe I can because I'm a shameless thief, and because screw you Twitter. J/k everyone, I love Twitter...come back! Don't leave me, little bird!

Moment to regain my dignity...done.

Anyway, in the spirit of #ff (you can follow us, too-click the bird to the right) I have decided to do an entry on Fridays about websites that own and that are (maybe) related to our very own Dead White Guys. So the winner of this week's completely biased and one-sided contest wherein I just pick stuff I like and force it down the interweb's throat is...BOOKMOOCH!!

I hope you're all familiar with Bookmooch.com, and that I'm not telling you anything new. Because my job is not to educate you, obvs. But in case you live in a literary black hole of doom and sadness, you know that bookmooch.com is the frickin' coolest book swapping site on the internet. You post books you no longer want, get points, and then pick books you do want. People "mooch" books from your list, and you mail them. This is a GREAT way to collect all those books by DWG you don't want to go out and buy because they're public domain, dammit, why should I pay. You also get points for acknowledging books that you've received.

Some Bookmooching tips:

1. Recycle mailers or wrap your books in inside-out brown paper bags from the grocery store. Don't buy new mailers. I got this tip (second handedly) from bookmooching veteran and home decor rookie Catherine at Rookie Mistakes and Beginner's Luck, a blog that makes us all feel better about screwing up home projects.

2. MEDIA MAIL! For the love of all that is holy in this world, don't let the post office clerk upsell you. Tell them you want to ship everything media mail, or whatever is cheapest. Sometimes a very small book is cheaper if you ship it priority, but for the most part, media mail is the way to go- you'll never pay over $3 to ship a book.

3. Put a whole bunch of books on your wishlist, and when you check it click "show all editions". That button will show you..all..editions...of the book you want, instead of just the specific one you wishlisted. And check your wishlist often, especially if you want a really popular book. BM emails a random user every time a wishlisted book is posted, but you can beat the system if you're as diligent a stalker as we are.

4. Be super-specific in your condition notes when you post a book. If it has a torn cover, list it. If it has a little stain on page 456, list it. If a german shepherd even looked at it in 1867 and you suspect that may upset someone's allergies in the future, list it. This way you avoid possible negative feedback when some anal retentive wacko gets your book. And by that I mean lovely member of the BM community.

5. Don't be a tool. If someone requests a book from you, give an honest estimate of when you'll be mailing it. Don't leave them sitting in limbo waiting for a response from you. A lot of people mooch books they need for school to save costs, and shouldn't have to languish in uncertainty because you can't be bothered to press a little "accept mooch" or "decline" button. Plus, if you don't respond after a certain time they can cancel the request and report you, which will probably lead to your account being closed. Karma, baby.

If you, lovely readership, have any other BM tips just leave them in the comments. I will be reviewing other swapping sites for future #ff posts. Paperbackswap, you are in my sites.

Sad Bastards: George Eliot

George Eliot, despite the masculine name (and face) is not a dead white guy. She's a dead white gal, and author of Middlemarch, Silas Marner, and The Mill on the Floss. Contrary to most dead white...folks, George Eliot was quite saucy and hypocritical. Ok, so that's the same as all the rest of them. But look! She's a chick! Weird!

Five things you need to know about George Eliot so you don't sound like a bumbling literary idiot:

1. Her real name was Mary Anne Evans, and as we can tell from the picture, dude looks like a lady. Or vice versa. Anyway, that's no Angelina Jolie. That's not even a Rosie Perez. Don't pretend you don't notice.

2. She lived for 20 years with George Henry Lewes, a married man. Lewes and his wife had an open marriage, and she had children from other men. Lewes couldn't get a divorce because...well..this is 19th century England and you will STAY married until you DIE. DIE, I TELL YOU. MWAHAHAHA.

3. Contrary to popular belief that DWG are all uptight Christian moralists, George Eliot was an atheist. Her novels are still recognized as major works of moralism. Eliot believed it was possible to maintain Christian morality (of which she approved) without the whole first syllable. She was an -ian. A blank-ian. A George Eliot-ian. She also pioneered English realism.

4. George Eliot and George Henry Lewes both lived outside of London literary society and ruled it. George Eliot was smart and talented, but a lady. A lady with a married boyfriend. With her name or his name or whatever. It was a love hate thing.

5. In 1880, after the death of Lewes, she married a man twenty years younger than her. He may or may not have tried to kill himself on their honeymoon in Venice by jumping out of a balcony into a canal. I could make a joke here about him finally looking at her but..that would be wrong.

Fin! A Review: The rest of Ward 6

I present to you the brilliant short story by Anton Chekhov, "Nothing Happens"-

There once was a rich guy. He sees some poor people and/or cheats on his wife, and feels bad. He thinks he should change something about something or...something. But then he drinks some wine and feels better. Then he dies of typhus or from falling in the mud. The end.

For serious. It isn't like Chekhov is particularly depressing, it's just bleak. A whole lot of existential dilemmas and heartbreaking little details and people randomly dying. And Chekhov doesn't judge any of his characters or make any moral proclamations, which was totally revolutionary at the time, and I appreciate his genius blah blah blah.

Four stars out of your mom.

Review: "Ward 6 and Other Stories" by Anton Chekhov- Part 1

Finally hit the half-way point of this collection of short stories, and I have a celebratory haiku:

The inner life reigns

I want to tickle Russians.

Did Flaubert steal this?

Basically, it's easy to see how Chekhov influenced...well...everyone. He's so into the inner dialogue of the characters. Action does not reign. It reminds my of Virginia Woolf. But she's not a guy, so we can't talk about her (just kidding, I'm not ready, put down the Dalloway).

The best so far are The Kiss, Typhus, and The Neighbors. Of course, all the main characters have grand realizations that life is a farce and that they never say what they mean. But hey, that's Chekhov, and he's a Sad Bastard. I wonder if he ever laughed. I've heard rumor that there is a story about a midget in here somewhere, so I'm looking forward to that. Could use a little midget humor.